I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Randomize
