I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
No I am not eating basil off your cock
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
