literally had 100 drinks last night.
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
Now I'm watching The History of Sex on the History Channel. They're talking about how repressed the 30s were. I think I understand why grandma is such an angry person.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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