last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Randomize
