this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
