This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Randomize
