pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Randomize
