so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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