I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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