I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
underwater hpnotiq shots? sure why not.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
