just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
