Rock
Scissors
Fuck
I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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