Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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