I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
