Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Randomize
