how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
So puking trix and chicken wings is horrible but atleast we got free drinks for taking the trash out at the bar we are really movin up in the world
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
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