Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
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