just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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