it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
