He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
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