I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I've done unspeakable things to your penis. I have every right to give it a name.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
