Swine flu. Run for my life!
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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