So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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