then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
