we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
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Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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