I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
accomplished twins. life is a go
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
