hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
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