Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
