Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
Randomize
