suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
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