The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Randomize
