he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
