I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
I should have some sort of frequent buyer card or something. I just bought my third bottle of Captain this week. It's Wednesday.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
