Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
Randomize
