I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
