walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
BITCH IT IS YOUR BIRTHDAY AND I'M STARTING ON A FISHBOWL OF LIQUOR WITHOUT YOU
I read that out. Group response is "Katie is hard as fuck."
WITH MOTHERFUCKING MONKEY MITTENS
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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