he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Randomize