bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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