He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
