I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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