My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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