I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
