a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
Randomize
