I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
