dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
You're earring is so big in my mouth
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I don't know, I think it's at least a minor achievement when you can light up with the guy who took your virginity and act like you didn't have and incredibly awkward sexual experience together
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
