Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
Check out this gay circle: I've now hooked up with my ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend, my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend, and most recently my ex's ex-boyfriend's ex-boyfriend's ex-fling.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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