you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
Randomize
