i think my tv is drunk
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
