Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize
