That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
Randomize
