I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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