the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
