Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
