No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
