I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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