My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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