I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
