god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Randomize
