you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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