just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Randomize
