On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Randomize
