Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
So I just sneezed blood everywhere. On the upside. After yesterday I feel way more confident AND I give even less of a fuck.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize