You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
Randomize
