Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
