why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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