My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
