hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
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