I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
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