What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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