my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
"I'm gonna wax that ass" was the successful pick up line used on me last night. Clearly I had a few too many cause it worked..
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
