dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
OMG THE KID WHO TRIED TO MAKE OUT AT THE BAR WITH ME IS SITTIG NEXT TO ME IN THE AIRPORT. WHY LIFE WHY???
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
