One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
