i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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