no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
Randomize
