I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
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