JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
I made him tell me how he proposed to his wife before I'd bang him. I have a problem.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
