so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
i think i'd rather have a trophy of a like jizz stained curtain or something
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize