how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
my summer class's final was canceled bc it interfered with the world cup. he is giving us all A's on it. I love europe
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
also, when i showed up he started talking to me and eventually asked me if the girls treated me well. i went on to talk about my sex life. he was talking about his secretaries.
Randomize
