Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
I didn't have time to wash my hair yesterday. Ended up spraying some Febreeze on it.
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
