Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
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