What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
