it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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